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Red Wings thoughts and rambles vs. Minnesota Wild, 3/20

(Getty Images)

(Getty Images)

The Red Wings were playing on national television with a chance to put some distance between them and the teams currently not in a playoff spot, and they were doing it against the two major free agents that spurned the team last summer. Wednesday’s game was the perfect time to reprise the classic ‘Red Wings thoughts and rambles’ bit.

What follows is my unabashed real-time thoughts from the Red Wings’ Wednesday night game. (I eliminated the most boring of thoughts and censored bad language because I care about the kids.)

First period

19:38 – Good start for the Red Wings: Kronwall gives the puck away and Ericsson gets embarrassed just 22 seconds into the game. That’s got to be a new record.

19:18 – Jonas Brodin, BRO-DEEN. That’s fun to say.

19:00 – Shut up Pierre.

17:56 – (Devin Setoguchi scores. Minnesota leads 1-0.) OH JESUS. That was embarrassing. The Red Wings are getting outworked.

16:14 – Hey! It’s our old friend Ian White! He gets an opportunity tonight…and he gets a chance on the power play. Is this his little showcase in advance of a deadline deal?

15:32 – Gustav Nyquist had a nice shot at the end of the power play, but that was terrible. They had almost no sustained possession in the Wild’s zone outside of the first 16 seconds.

14:32 – PAR-EE-SEE …. I still like PAR-EE-SAY better

14:02 – Ed Olczyk is really excited tonight.  There’s no need to scream about Devin Setoguchi NOT touching a puck. Calm down Eddy. We’ve got plenty of game left.

12:30 – (Jordin Tootoo’s goal is called off because of a Drew Miller high stick) High stick. That’s a good call.

12:30 – NEVERMIND. HEATLEY hit the puck then Miller’s stick hit it. Either way, poor officiating.  Blow the whistle earlier.

12:01 – BROOODEEEEN. Doc loves to say Brodin.

11:56 – Shut up Pierre.

11:14 – Minnesota Wild coach Mike Yeo looks like a young Northern Michigan coach Walt Kyle. No one cares about this fact except for me.

10:59 – Pierre McGuire just gave the play-by-play on a referee patching up the ice. “He’s bringing the water bottle over now.” Award winning stuff.

10:34 – Ed’s getting excited again.

10:07 – “Touched up” is kind of a weird thing to say.

9:12 – Can you really say Gustav Nyquist is a former Grand Rapids Griffin when he was there yesterday?

8:40 – The Red Wings have been terrible in their own zone so far.

6:31 – OH!  Rebound! Smack that @$%&. Good effort in front.

5:33 – No goals, but a much better power play. Good work in the offensive zone and good job by White to get his shot through.

4:38 – Shut up Pierre.

3:37 – Pierre is a smart guy but he has no self-awareness and is constantly trying to prove how smart he is. We get it. You know a lot. You don’t have to tell us where every player went to middle school.

:38 – The Red Wings had 17 shots in the first period. For the uninitiated, that’s a lot.


Second period

19:52 – I’ll give Pierre credit. Good work by him to track down the ref and get an explanation on the no goal.

19:42 – OHHHHHHHHHH! KRONNWALLLLLL! How is that high and to the head? His stick was high but the shoulder was basically going straight and Coyle ducked a bit.

18:53 – Wait, they gave him a double minor for that? That’s excessive. I understand the stick being high, but how does Kronwall avoid hitting Coyle in the head with his bicep when his arm was at his side the whole time? I don’t understand it. Call the two minute penalty. He probably deserved that. Not a double minor.

16:52 – Dany Heatley either isn’t the sniper everyone thinks or Jimmy Howard is really good. Howard calmly stopped two of Heatley’s wide open shots and controlled what little rebound there was.

16:09 – (Brodziak scores to make it 2-0 Minnesota.) Nice dish by Jared Spurgeon. Brian Lashoff lost his man, but that’s semi-excusable because his partner was getting beat to the net. He had to cover. Cleary was right there and didn’t do anything.

14:38 – The announcers keep talking about the Kronwall hit. He first hit Coyle’s shoulder then it slid up to the head. They say the stick clipped Coyle. If it did it’s still a two minute penalty. Coyle wasn’t cut.

11:46 – Ha. Sudsy is a good nickname. I’m naming my dog Sudsy.

10:51 – (Nyquist scores to make it 2-1 Minnesota) AHAHAHAHA! Nyquist with the slick slide-through-the-five-hole goal. Power move. That was great. HUGE GOAL.

9:51 – Remember that Nyquist play? That was awesome.

9:28 – (Mikko Koivu scores, 3-1 Minnesota) GET ON HIM. HELP HIM. Kronwall pinched and did his job. He took the man. Datsyuk got lost on covering for Kronwall, which led to the odd man rush. Abdelkader didn’t pick up the trailer. The two mistakes lead to the goal. That’s it. Game over.

6:18 – It’s apparently Jonas Brodin night in Detroit. I get that he’s played almost 15 minutes already but I don’t need to hear Pierre and Ed rave about him over and over for 45 minutes.

4:21 – That Kronwall penalty really changed the game. Double minor? Come on.

3:43 – Husqvarna. That’s fun to say. But considering I have no idea what they do, sponsoring this game probably wasn’t the best use of their advertising dollars.

2:45 – (Devin Setoguchi scores to make it 4-1.) Special teams have been the difference. Lashoff tried to find the puck instead of finding the man and knocking him down. Not a good night for Lashoff.

1:58 – Hey! The Red Wings woke up! Three good chances back-to-back-to-back, which when you think about it, is really hard to do. The back-to-back-to-back, not the three chances in a row.

1:08 Is it even worth it to watch the third? I’m not sure I can handle 20 more minutes of Pierre.


Third period

19:38 – Oh God, there’s 19:38 left of this.

17:50 – Shots are 29-13 Red Wings. Where did this game go wrong?

16:37 – What the !#$% are you doing Cleary? He just tapped the puck away from his own teammate while he was stepping onto the bench.

13:39 – Another giveaway by Kindl. Lovely. Kindl and Lashoff, have not had their proudest moments.

13:03 – And Lashoff almost slightly redeemed himself. He did a nice job jumping into the play. Maybe too good. He got a pass on his tape but wasn’t expecting it and alligator-armed the shot.

11:11 – Kindl gets his shot blocked and the PP is over. Special teams has been the difference but that’s not to say the Red Wings PP has been bad tonight. They’ve probably had six legitimate scoring chances. Some of the lack of goal-scoring is on the Red Wings, some of it is bad luck.

9:10 – Filppula with a little spunk here. Too bad it’s about 50 minutes too late.

7:28 – Datsyuk still DANGLING. The spin move was straight dirty.

4:47 – This is boring.

4:30 – “Defensive gem tonight by the Minnesota wild” – Doc Emerick. Do you realize the Wild have given up 35 shots already?

1:00 – This was a colossal waste of time.

:13.9 – (Drew Miller scores to make it 4-2.) SCOREEEDD. Drew Miller with a nice one-touch shot. Jordin Tootoo and Miller played pretty well tonight.

0:00 That sucked.

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