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Detroit Lions’ Kris Durham plays for immortality (on the internet)

Surprisingly, these haven't sold out yet.

Surprisingly, these haven’t sold out yet.

There is no way to describe it, no honor to bestow on the guy.

He showed in a Lions uniform and went from ‘Who?’ to ‘WHAT? HE CAUGHT THAT?’ to ‘Why can’t he hang onto the ball?’

Kris Durham may need his own award. And me, being the keeper of bestowing multiple fake awards on people, feel like he may have one soon. But not yet.

Kris Durham, my adopted son even though he’s two years older than me, came from the practice squad to the starting lineup. The man who wasn’t even good enough to dress in a game all year, the Former Roommate of Matt Stafford as he’ll be forever known to TV play-by-play and color analysts who think they’re giving this news to you for the first time, caught five passes for 54 yards last Sunday against Green Bay.

He pulled off a stupendous (people don’t use that word enough) one-handed catch that was rated the No. 3 catch of the week.

And he dropped some easy balls.

So he’s not that good, what did you expect? Nobody knew he existed two weeks ago. Even his mother had forgot about him.

(LEGAL DISCLAIMER NOT THAT IT’S NEEDED BECAUSE THIS IS THE INTERNET AND WE CAN SAY WHATEVER WE WANT: Some of that the information in the previous paragraph cannot be confirmed. Sources close to the situation tell me that Mrs. Durham, did indeed know of Kris’ life on this earth. Well nobody told me that, but I’m pretty sure that’s the case. Moving on …)

He’s good enough to be this website’s new favorite player. He’s intriguing enough to be the only reason you watch the zombie Lions take on an Arizona team that should find its way back to the stadium after their celebration of beating the Patriots in week two and their overtime victory over a ‘feisty’ Miami team in week four lasted about nine weeks. (Seriously, they lost 58-0 last week. That means no one from Arizona showed up right?)

If Kris Durham, pulls another Kris Durham and then tops it, if he hits 100 yards and scores a couple of touchdowns or two, I’ll be his own personal campaign manager to keep him on the team next year. I’ll vote for him everywhere I can in the 2014 election. I’ll create the Kris Durham award, a step up in skill level but down in importance from the James Mungro Memorial Award presented by (sponsor pending) given annually to the Lion who steals the hearts of fans and media alike as Detroit limps to another sad and disappointing finish that ends without a playoff win.

You may ask, wouldn’t that dilute the very famous and prestigious JMMA? Yes. I don’t care. I’m doing this for you. We all need some not-so-justifiable excuse to watch the Lions on Sunday.

If that means I have to come up with a fake award that takes away from my other fake award that only me, and possibly Chris Bootcheck care about, I’ll do it.

You’re welcome.

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